(I wrote this letter to myself. Maybe you’ll relate. Maybe you won’t.)
Your husband is not a punching bag.
So stop taking all of your stress out on him.
You wanted this life. You love this life. You’re just tired and worn out.
But, he probably is too. He worked hard all day too. He missed you, and he missed the kids. He faced problems, demands, and deadlines. He fought for you. He fights for you every day, and he wants to take the boxing gloves off when he comes home. He doesn’t want to worry about taking any more punches.
I get it. I do. You’ve been working since the moment that little voice through the monitor woke you up. You didn’t get a chance to shower or “get ready” first. You dove headfirst into your day without a moment to prepare. You’ve faced tantrums, and poop-splosions, and you’ve inevitably been late to every playdate and appointment. You’ve clenched your fists and lost track of how many times you’ve counted to 10. You’ve made an effort to keep your cool and be a “peaceful” parent. You can’t yell at your kids, you can’t yell at the cashier at Target, and you can’t even yell at the random lady who touched and breathed all over the baby (although you desperately wanted to). You’re too nice for that. So, you let your husband have it. You take all of the frustration from your day out on him. You tell yourself that you deserve to be stressed, because of how much you’ve given today. You tell yourself it’s ok, because he promised for better, or worse.
But that’s no excuse. He deserves for better, and you know it.
Believe it or not, when he asks how your day was, he has no ulterior motive. He has no intention of criticizing, judging, or belittling, so you don’t need to get so defensive. He genuinely cares. He wants to take his mind off of his day and shift it to you, the women he loves. He knows you work hard.
And, so does he.
So stop throwing punches.
Remember that your husband is not making life hard, he’s making life better. He’s the man you love. He’s the man who stole your heart. He’s the man who works hard every single day so that you can stay home.
So, pour yourself a glass of wine, and shake off all the boogers, the stress, and the mishaps from your day. Go put on something clean and maybe even a little mascara. And when he gets home, welcome him at the door with open (baby-free) arms and a kiss. Save the venting for later. Save the resentment for never. You love this life. You love your husband. And even though you spent the day giving and giving, and giving some more, dig deep if you have to, and find a way to give just a little more. You’ll be glad that you did.